It has been 4 years with BTS
I often wonder how many masks have I put on to be accepted by people? How often have I let my real self down to be part of the crowd? The answer to these questions would be many times.
Things had gotten so bad that I had no idea about who I was again and what I was to accomplish.
Most of the time, when people find out about my love for BTS, it is often accompanied by snide remarks as to how can I be listening to them or do I even understand what they are saying; some have even said they don't know what I like about guys that look like girls. Hmmm, there's absolutely nothing I didn't hear in my first official year with BTS in 2018.
There is a popular saying in the ARMY fandom that you find BTS when you are struggling or at the lowest point in your life, and there is no denying it because I found BTS at that moment in 2018.
Let me say I used to be relatively naïve, you know, leaning on the borderline of not being serious, I have made decisions I would say I am not proud of. It had gotten so bad that I had begun to dissociate my past actions from myself and looked to please people rather than focus on my happiness, in other words. I was a mess, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any second till I found BTS and fully understood what they represent.
I would not say I am an introvert, nor would I say I am an extrovert, but there was a certain thing, people' new people' made me uncomfortable and old friends well also had me doubting their intentions.
I stumbled on BTS on a WhatsApp group after seeing the news that they had broken Taylor Swift's youtube record with their new release DNA, I wanted to know who these guys were, and that was how I stumbled down the rabbit hole and never looked back.
Their first performance I watched was for Fire at MAMA 2016 alongside their Blood Sweat and Tears performance that same day, and there was one thing I noticed: they were proud of their craft and were passionate about it.
Music for me involves passion, lyrical depth, creativity and storytelling; I usually don't want to forget my worries. Still, I need comfort in the fact that you know these types of concerns exist, and you tell me it's okay to have them, and it is fine to struggle with them.
That was what they did; they made me feel human with their songs; they got rid of the air of mystery surrounding artists and bore their worries to me as a friend in their songs. No fronting, just truth and two friends comforting one another.
I have never looked back since then, and I am finally on the full journey of discovering myself understanding what I want and learning how to put myself first at all times.
It's all about me seeing myself for who I am and what I represent as a person; the road to self-discovery can get stressful complicated and even leave you scared when you find out shocking things about yourself. But the most important part of it all is accepting that coming to terms with the fact that this is who you are and living with that.
Aside from good music, I have met good people who share like minds with me, and I have not regretted any moment of it all.
Should I say happy 4 years to me with BTS? Yes, I guess so. Thank you for helping me express myself better; thank you, BTS, for helping me find my voice and always providing comfort when things get tough or when I feel like giving up.
At 26 years, I am still searching and trying to understand myself; you can never get too old on the journey of self-discovery. It is okay to get lost and confused; take your time and trust me, you would glow in positivity and be a better person.
